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Too Picky To Date?

Updated: Nov 29, 2021

In dating, as in life, there's a fine line between having high standards and being too picky. While having standards is important, some men and women sabotage their love lives by being too selective.

Fundamentally, knowing where to draw the line on being picky is an individual matter.

Maybe you’re eager to marry and have children. On the other hand, maybe you’d be just as happy being single for life as long as your relationships are caring and rewarding.

It’s up to you to figure out your dating needs and destination. Meanwhile, use these suggestions to stop excess pickiness from interfering with your journey.

Holding Onto Healthy Selectiveness:

1. Gain experience. Dating shows you what your options look like. You learn about yourself and your potential partners by sampling some variety. Be open to unlikely possibilities as long as you’re true to your core values.

2. Heal old patterns. Taking a pause from dating can help you sort out issues that drew you into destructive connections in the past. If you need to reflect to get clear and heal, perhaps shift to dating yourself for a while.

3. Think positive. It’s easy to get caught up with concerns about settling or missing out. Shift your focus so that you’re aiming for a fulfilling love life instead of feeling anxious about whether you’re living up to social expectations.

4. Focus on internals. Kindness and generosity matter much more than annual salaries or pretty faces. Evaluate your criteria.

5. The longer your laundry list, the harder it is to find a partner. You can marry someone who’s compatible on the essential items, and then find a friend to play golf with.

6. Get clear on your non-negotiables. Having a few absolutes can help: do their relationship goals and timeline align with mine, do I feel consistently safe with this person, and are they committed to growing as an individual and in a partnership?

Letting Go of Less Healthy Pickiness:

1. Understand your motives. It’s ironic that some singles have a rigid type, but they have trouble describing what it is. Gaining insights into your reasoning will empower you to make more deliberate choices.

2. Face your doubts. Silly deal-breakers can be a way of avoiding intimacy. If you’re rejecting anyone who doesn’t have an Instagram account, you may want to examine how you really feel about getting close to others.

3. Review your history. How can you tell if you’re too picky? Count how long it’s been since your last date or ask yourself if you regret turning down some of your past prospects.

4. Accept more invitations. You can still turn over a new leaf. Say yes when someone asks you out to dinner or go to the next cocktail party that your friends arrange.

5. Ask your friends. Speaking of friends, they may have given up on you if you were unenthusiastic about their past attempts at matchmaking. Let them know you appreciate introductions and moral support. Encourage them to give you feedback while you’re trying to become less critical.

6. Be flexible. How specific is your checklist? You’ll have more options if you search for someone athletic instead of insisting that they win an Olympic medal.

7. Stop using movies as your model. While you don’t need to give up streaming, you may want to cut back on over-fantasized romantic comedies or at least watch them with them a more discerning eye. Distinguish between Hollywood stereotypes and reality.

8. Suspend judgement. You may have instant chemistry with a soul mate or it may take a while to surface. Resolve to go out on at least 3 dates before you make a decision about whether to continue seeing someone.

Listen to your heart instead of your fears. You deserve a loving relationship that lives up to your expectations, and you can strengthen your chances of success by making those expectations clear and reasonable. Be picky about your top priorities, and let the small stuff go.

If you'd like some support figuring out how to find and keep a great relationship, hit us up!

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